


Prophecy? Umm... Sure...

by sal_black



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (At least most of them), Crack, Divination Does Not Work That Way, Gen, Harry Potter Has Enough, Harry takes no shit, Humor, Logic, Parody, Prophecy, The Prophecy Is Kinda Fishy, Wizards Do Not Use Logic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:13:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29533890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_black/pseuds/sal_black
Summary: In which Albus Dumbledore tells Harry of the prophecy, Harry goes on an explanatory rant that would make Hermione proud, and Albus Dumbledore finally decides to swear off logic once and for all. (Also, what is it with wizards and common sense? Or rather, their lack of it...)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Prophecy? Umm... Sure...

**Author's Note:**

> Okay... so the prophecy always seemed kinda fishy and very unspecific to me, and in this Harry just points out a few of these problems. Of course, I´ve seen various posts and other fanfictions also talking about some of these flaws, but mostly they are all from my imagination. Also, the world of Harry Potter does not belong to me, which is probably why the prophecy bugs me so much.

“So, you see Harry? This is why Voldemort has been targeting you for all this time, since you were little more than a newborn.”

Harry was staring incredulously at the old wizard sitting across from him. Maybe his age was finally getting to the Headmaster? It sure wouldn´t be surprising. “Well… actually, no I don´t see, Headmaster.”

“But Harry, surely you must understand the implications of this prophecy.” Now, Albus Dumbledore was staring at Harry Potter equally incredulous. How could this boy not realise the importance of such a prophecy?

“I really am sorry, Headmaster, but the only thing I do understand is that prophecies – at least that one, don´t want to judge all of them from one example – are even more fishy than what we usually do in divination. And let me tell you, usually we just invent scenarios of my most gruesome death.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, the old wizard had to hold back a slight chuckle. Yes, he had already heard of Trelawney´s infatuation with predicting the poor boy´s death. Still, “Dear boy, I am afraid I don´t understand your reasoning. I believe this prophecy is perfectly clear, is it not?”

Harry Potter sat up a little straighter, and began to prepare for a long lecture, Hermione style. His hands were already positioned to start gesturing immediately – just waiting for their entrance. “So, I propose we go through this prophecy line by line – or is it verse? – and see if you can explain to me the things I´m unclear on. Is this agreeable?”

“Of course, my boy.”

“So, first line: _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches..._ This line is already very… sluggish. I get the first part, there´s someone with the power to vanquish some Dark Lord. But there are many Dark Lords, and it doesn´t exactly specify which one, does it? Then there´s this vanquish-thingy. What does ´vanquish´ even mean. Kill? Convert? Erase from memory? And let´s not even talk about the term ´approaches´. I mean, does it mean a child is conceived right at that moment? Or is it just meant to be a pregnant woman? Or is it born at that moment? Why does it even have to be a child? Couldn´t it be a wizard just stepping a foot on British soil? Or approaching the room the prophecy is made in? You see, Headmaster, there really are a lot of options just for that first line.”

Albus Dumbledore was staring at the small boy waving his hands in front of him, ice-blue eyes widened slightly behind their half-moon glasses. But the boy didn´t stop there. “ _Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies..._ Okay, so the first part seems pretty straightforward, until… Well, who is meant by ´him´? The bad guy or the good guy? From the phrasing it could be both – that the parents defied their child or that Dark Lord. And also, which seventh month does the prophecy refer to? Seventh month of pregnancy? Seventh of the year? And if so, by which calendar? It really doesn´t make sense to me at all.

“Then there´s this ´mark his as his equal´ part, of course. But how do you mark someone as your equal? By acknowledging them through fighting them again and again, and it ending in a tie? That´s the most logical thing I can come up with, but maybe you´ve got more ideas… Okay, the power thing actually isn´t that deep, as long as you don´t go into pronouns. I already did that, so I´ll leave that out.

“Next thing: _and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives..._ The first part makes sense. But also it doesn´t. Because if I WERE a subject of this prophecy, would that mean I´d be immortal if Voldemort doesn´t play a part in my demise? Or would… dunno… the universe just end if I die by tripping on the stairs? Because it says ´must´ not ´will´, or… ´can only´. And that´s, really, a quite high risk. So I really wouldn´t want to be the universe in this situation… And the last part: ´neither can live´ sounds like, neither can enjoy their lives and be free while the other still exists in the mortal realm. So, again, would the universe just implode if I decide to brew a lifetime´s worth of Polyjuice Potion and decide to find some nice little island on the Maldives to live on in peace?”

Dumbledore´s jaw was hanging open as he stared at the wizard across from him. Right at that moment, he came to a conclusion. Kids definitely did not need to be taught how to think for themselves, because then they would be all _logical_ (he gave a mental shudder). He would even take it up with Minerva if it meant he wouldn´t have to see such a scary, blatant display of _logic_ – of all things imaginable! – ever again.


End file.
